Trip to Hell: A Survival Guide with Squints
by That Old Black Magic
Summary: A teambuilding course send the Squints and Booth out to the woods for the week. This is the story of how they survive each other. Possible BB fluff.


A/N: With all the angst in To Help Save a Friend, I decided it was time I did another light-hearted fic. Thanks to Angel6, who is an incredibly funny woman and typed a major section of this first part. Enjoy guys, and if you feel like making my day, leave me a review. I dunno how funny this will be for you guys, but hell, drop me a line all the same!

* * *

Cam had gathered them all in her office. Her face held a grim expression, causing a look of discomfort to grace Zack's young face. He snuck a glance over at his partner in crime, Hodgins, if he was about to be fired, he swore to himself that he would hit him. It wasn't his fault that he succumbed to his fellow workers constant nagging. 

He knew he shouldn't have listened to stupid Hodgins and his stupid idea. Hodgins wasn't really all that fussed. What did it matter if they blew up a few experiment labs or a whole floor? They were furthering science.

It was then that Cam chose to begin her speech, "Alright ladies and gents, the people in the suits upstairs have decided that were all to take a special course. They've decided that we all need to get away, _together_ and take part in a team building course." She'd stood up halfway through her speech and walked to the front of her desk. Then with a slight smile twitching on the corners of her lips, she took a deep breath as she took in the flabbergasted looks on their faces.

Booth was the first to speak as the news sunk in. "Right well then, since you're not actually my boss, I'm going to go. Have a fun trip everyone. Take plenty of pictures!" he said, clapping his hands together and rubbing them in excitement.

"Hit him for me please," Hodgins said, directing his comment towards Brennan who was closest to Booth.

Cam smiled at Booth sweetly, like a cat that had spied the canary. "I'm not going to like this, am I?" he said his smile now gone, as he sent up a prayer to the God's above. Cam shook her head. A look of horror was beginning to spread over Booth's face, like someone had told him they were going to cut his gonads off.

"I didn't think so. Are you kidding, I have to come along? Why? Did the people upstairs not look at our record; we've solved just about every case we've worked on!" he whined.

"C'mon guys, where's your spirit?" Cam asked the group in front of her, a bright smile set upon her face. "Well, then, I'm sure you guys are going to like this. It's going to be outdoors, sort of like camping."

At this, Zack's hand slowly rose, as he thanked his lucky stars that he wasn't going to be fired today. "I burn easily," he told his boss, looking slightly worried that he might actually catch fire out in such a place.

"We'll buy you plenty of sunscreen Zack. I'll even throw in a hat! C'mon guys, this'll be fun! We'll be able to re-connect with each other. _And _we won't be here, surrounded by death." Angela, the optimist of the group offered up.

"Yeah, it should be fun. Oh, I can't wait to see what bugs they've got up there," Hodgins said, grinning enthusiastically at Angela.

At this Booth scoffed, "Oh please, you just want to get up there so you can christen yet another blessed location."

"Your point Booth?" Angela said, an evil smile spreading slowly over her face, "And if you play your cards right, you may get to christen a place or two yourself."

Booth flushed as Brennan asked, "Booth, was that sexual innuendo?"

Cam smiled as Hodgins and Angela practically fell off their chairs with laughter. Booth sunk further in his chair, trying to bury his head in his shirt.

"I'm afraid we don't really have any choice people," Cam remarked, trying to make them feel a little better about going.

"How long are we away for?" Brennan asked, "There's some skeletons I really want to take a look at…"

"Oh, do you ever stop thinking about skeletons?" Booth snapped, the pressure of this trip getting to him. "If it's that important, I'll throw one in the back of the truck for you to look at while we toast marshmallows round the campfire!"

"We're away for a week and it starts Friday night after work," Cam interrupted, before Brennan could retort. "Get packing!"

Everyone understood that as their dismissal and moved swiftly to the door. Booth hung his head in defeat. Was there no way to escape the insanity of the Squints?

* * *

Booth drove the rather large pick-up truck round to the front of the Jeffersonian. He was seriously not looking forward to this. He really didn't need Angela and Hodgins snogging when there was no bugs or crayons to be had. Brennan and Cam weren't really the best of friends, so he could see them trying to drown each other in the lake. And as for Zack, well he doubted he'd ever seen a real tree before. 

Everyone was loitering around in the lobby, waiting for Booth to show up. "Right people, lets go to the deepest circle of hell! Hurry up and fling your bags on the back!" Booth yelled, jumping out to assess the situation. How was he going to fit six of them inside this truck, he didn't know.

He threw this suggestion to the wind. He wished he hadn't bothered. "Well, if you're looking for exact values, I could draw up an equation," Zack began before Booth bellowed at the top of his voice, "NO EQUATIONS!"

Everyone looked rather startled, as Booth went on, pointing at each one of them in turn, starting with Cam; "No bossing people around,"; before turning to Bones, "No anthropological standpoints," ; Angela came next, "No sexual drawings,"; he barked at Hodgins, "No creepy bug enjoyment," and last but not least Zack. Booth ground out, "No…just no ok?"

The Squints nodded their heads, slightly spooked by Booth before Brennan rallied her spirits and asked, "Finished your freak-out Booth?"

"I do not freak out," he growled at her. "Stupid team building exercise. How do the bosses even know we're doing team building? We could just go to Vegas for the week."

"There's a guy meeting us, who'll send us to the activities every day. We still have to camp though," Cam supplied.

"Oh no, he'll be all 'Save the trees' and stuff. I'll feel like I'm on the Walton's mountain, singing 'Coombaya my Lord'," Booth snapped, causing Angela to giggle and Brennan to stare blankly at him.

"Never mind," Booth said, "Ladies, you're sitting up front with me…" Booth suddenly pointed at Hodgins and Zack, "…You two get in the back and stay silent. I don't want any Squint talk in my truck, is that clear? It is a place of manliness, so no smarts allowed."

"Are you insinuating that men are stupid, Booth?" Brennan asked, looking at him with a small smile, feeling very smug. His eyebrows shot up and his mouth fell open, unable to think of a decent comeback.

"You…you…you're putting words in my mouth!" he stuttered, suddenly devoid of wit. "That's not what I meant at all…ah forget it!" He waved his hands dismissively.

"Nice try," Hodgins interjected, patting Booth on the back. "Very manly."

Booth shooed them all into the truck and banged the door shut, before turning the ignition key and driving off. This was going to be one long week.

* * *

Zack and Hodgins had stretched out rather comfortably in the back while the women and Booth were rather tightly packed in the front. Cam's face was actually squashed against the window. Cam had to sit near a window, as she got car sick 

Angela sat next to Cam, Brennan and Angela had wanted to sit together, so naturally Booth and Brennan had their legs jammed together. Booth was loving and hating every second of it.

"Do you have your allergy tablets Booth?" Brennan asked him suddenly, causing him to smile at her concern.

"Yep, stock piled 'em the other night," he smiled warmly at her.

Suddenly a fuzzy crackling came over the radio, making Booth frown at it. "What's up with this?" he said, changing the channel to a different frequency, to be answered with nothing. He flicked through another few channels, but nothing worked.

"Damn it," he said. "No signal up here."

"We'll need to make our own music then, won't we?" Angela said smiling.

"I didn't know you had maracas hidden in your bag Angela. You should have told me. I could have brought along my banjo," Booth hissed, Brennan trying not to laugh.

This extremely irked Angela, causing her to lash out, "Let's have a sing song then. Come on Zack, you choose." She smiled triumphantly, as she saw the look of horror in Booth's eyes.

Zack began to sing, "We all live in a yellow submarine, a yellow submarine!" subsequently joined by Hodgins, Angela and Cam. Booth and Brennan alone didn't join in with the singing, Brennan mainly because she didn't know the song.

She also held back to give Booth some support. Hell, she knew he didn't want to have to spend any more time with them than necessary. It really didn't help when everyone decided to take a turn to sing an equally ridiculous song. An end to the Cheeky Girls couldn't come soon enough.

* * *

The 'American Idol' contest lasted five miles before Booth threatened that the next person to sing a line of 'Puff the Magic Dragon' was getting thrown from the car and reversed over. Here, silence ensued and darkness began to creep in. 

Brennan kept shifting, making Booth feel uncomfortable. "There's really not enough room in this truck," she complained, missing the muttered reply of "I'll say!" by Booth.

Angela agreed with Brennan and thought maybe it was time Booth and Brennan got some time alone together. Well as much as could be possible with Cam sitting a metre away. "I'm going to jump into the back, cuddle up with Jack for a while," Angela said, before climbing into the rear of the truck, suddenly giving them all room to breathe.

Twenty minutes had passed as the stars began to dot the darkening sky, when Angela leaned forward to whisper something into Brennan's ear; "Sweetie, I really, really have to pee. Can you talk to Booth? Otherwise, I think I might just go here, and right now, I don't think that'd be the best idea. Seeing that were in the middle of no where, and he's got a loaded gun. You see where I'm going with this?" she said awkwardly, crossing her legs, hoping that if she physically squashed her bladder she may not get shot by Booth.

Brennan nodded before sliding back into her typical position. She moved close to Booth's ear, tapped his shoulder lightly and said, "Booth, stop at the next gas station. Angela really needs to go to the bathroom and you can get out to stretch your legs."

He turned and smiled at her. "Sure Bones. Whatever you guys need."

They stopped at a gas station and everyone hopped out. The three women immediately headed in the direction of the bathroom. "Bones," Booth called. "I thought it was only Angela that needed to go."

"It is," she replied, confused.

"So why are all three of you going then?" he asked, now even more confused than Brennan.

"Moral support," Brennan answered. If she had known about the word 'duh', she would have used it.

"We're going to discuss how to bed you guys out in the forest. That's what a women's washroom is made for!" Angela cheekily yelled.

The three men watched the girls scuttle off. "If that's what they're planning, then I reckon I'm good with it," Hodgins answered with a smile.

"Me and Dr Brennan?" Zack said, a little bit of hope flickering to life in his eyes before Booth squashed it by saying, "You keep away from Bones! I didn't just bring a gun along to shoot elk you know…"

"Unlucky mate," Hodgins said sympathetically, as he clapped a dejected Zack on the shoulder. "Booth got there first."

"Whoa, wait a minute, I never said…" Booth started when a voice said behind him, "Never said what Booth?"

"Nothing Bones, nothing," he said, plastering a smile on his face, feeling the 'tongue-kiss the maid of honour' thing again as Hodgins grinned at him before giving him a thumbs-up sign. Sticking to finger signs, Booth replied with peace backwards.

Brennan volunteered to switch with Booth, so he could rest his eyes. She simply got the reply of, "Forget it. You're sticking with the Grandma seat."

Everyone climbed in and soon fell asleep as their journey continued. Cam told Booth where he was heading, so she didn't have to stay awake any longer. Brennan still sat close to Booth, though not quite as close as before. They remained awake. Brennan queried Booth, "Everything alright?"

"Yes Bones, why wouldn't it be?" he asked, puzzled by her question.

"Just earlier, you seemed really unhappy about being here with us. You could still go home you know. Once we get there, the ranger will have seen you then you can go home. Fake an illness or something…" she trailed out, gazing away from him.

"I'm staying right here Bones," he said, smiling at her.

"Yeah, but if you don't want to be here…" she answered vaguely.

"I was a bit wound up earlier. I'm not saying it's gonna be the best week of my life, but I'm certain it'll leave me with a few funny memories eh Bones? Who else can claim a story about a car full of squints singing 'Yellow Submarine'?" Booth said, trying to gauge her reaction with a smile.

She returned his smile and looked away, trying to contain a secret smile. Booth caught it and tried to contain his own before saying, "Anyway, it's not like it's just me and the Squints. I have you. That makes things much better."

These words struck a soft spot on her heart, causing her to reach out and squeeze his knee tenderly. "It wouldn't have been the same without you," she admitted softly.

He took a hand off the steering wheel and gently lay it on top of hers, caressing her hand. Her hand slipped up to feel all the bumps and dips on his hand when they heard Cam shifting.

They immediately let go and when they saw Cam had returned to sleep, they didn't dare return to their previous position as they heard Angela whisper from behind them, "Caught doing something we weren't supposed to be? No moaning from up the front if you please."

The two of them blushed as Angela gave a small chuckle. This really was gonna be one long week.


End file.
